Wednesday Short

“Don’t teach me something you don’t want me to learn.” I used to say it all the time when my kids were young.

Admittedly, I was not the first to think of it. Dr. Phil’s life law #8 is “We teach people how to treat us.” And Maya Angelou said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

In any case, I used the statement above to stop unwanted behavior. As in, “You are acting so ugly right now. Did you meant to teach me that you shouldn’t be allowed to stay up late?” Or “I’m learning that I should not let you go on sleepovers, because when you come home you are grumpy.”

Over time, the statement morphed into a sort of shorthand that stopped the kids before their actions got the better of them.

• “You sure you want to teach me that?”
• “You’re teaching me something.”
• “Oooh! I’m really learning right now!”

In no time, they got pretty good at hitting reverse just as soon as they heard those words. A beautiful thing for a parent, that’s for sure, but also for them.

Now I use the phrase in a different way. I ask myself, “Am I teaching others something about myself that I don’t want them to learn?” For example, when I get frustrated, am I teaching people that I am impatient? Sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not.  When I get frustrated that a friend’s disability has be denied, I am teaching that friend that I am compassionate and teaching the bureaucrats that this person has an advocate. Sometimes, I am: like when I get annoyed with technology and fail to walk away before I get really aggravated.

The statement was originally intended to redirect my kids. These days, I find it helps me to avoid teaching people things about myself that I’d really rather them not learn! Try it and let me know how it works for you!